This is going to be a totally different article then I usually do because I have a question for you! Who would you pick if your choice was the GREATEST lover in the world, or the nicest person. Seriously! We’ve all heard about the book and movie “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I personally have not read the book nor seen the movie but, I understand the premise. Passion!!!
Right now I am reading ” Outlander, by Diane Gabaldon” look at her web site http://www.dianagabaldon.com and then take a look at the television series website. /www.starz.com/series/outlander/featured The books and series are fabulous, and I’ve read the books for the upteenth time. I believe it is one of the greatest series I have ever read. One of the many high points of the characters is their passionate, physical relationship over the decades, along with some great historical writing. If you have not read any of the books in the series, start with OUTLANDER, it, and the series is an international best seller, again. I knew a girl who read the first three books over a weekend. They are very thick paperbacks. She was trapped by the stories and the passion, and could not stop reading. To this day she blames me for her sleepless weekend.
I find the question of passion, and no passion in a relationship as an important topic. What would you choose if you had too? Have you ever had a great passionate relationship over time with another person? Do you know what it is like to have your body respond instantly to another. My opinion is that most people do not ever have that opportunity. And, that is what makes these types of books so very popular. They speak to our deepest, darkest dreams. We want that passion, that physical connection, but don’t know how to find it.
Now, I know most of you have felt passion. With long periods of celibacy anyone can start the flame. It is the fires that build over years that I am talking about with regard to passion. The sparks that fly when you are just within range of each other. The invisible cord that draws you to them. It starts before the foreplay ever begins.
There are so many songs about love and passion. Do you know why? I am from the era of the Pointer Sisters and the song ” With a Slow Hand ” was a big hit in the eighties. Why, because it speaks to what women want from a lover. Many hooted and hawed over the message in the song. Lyrics: I want a man with a slow hand / I want a lover with an easy touch / I want somebody who will spend some time / Not come and go in a heated rush… Full lyrics on Google Play Music . It was a great hit with the ladies but, a lot of the men didn’t get it. Surprise. The song spoke volumes about making love with only a few words and a lovely tune. Listen to it sometime, it is great.
But what is it that draws us to another? I know the science of it. The pheromones that each of us give off as listed on google.
a chemical substance produced and released into the environment by an animal, especially a mammal or an insect, affecting the behavior or physiology of others of its species.
. , but there is more to it then that. There is a deeper connection. I am sure of it. I am blushingly going to admit that I have had both kinds of relationships, and it was the greatest lover that was the biggest jerk. It was so hard for me to understand how my body could respond to someone that I disliked so often. He fit the words in the songs lyrics and spoke volumes of his love without ever using any words. He worshiped and made love. I use to tell him if he never talked he would be the greatest. Once he started talking he said the meanest, cruelest things about people. He was very insecure. He also had big trust issues, but loved madly. So, who would you choose? That is the question.
In the world of love do you find the physical part, the mating, as an important element or is it unnecessary? Do we need that physical connection with another. Is it in our brains or our bodies? Where does the thread begin?
When I first met my sex god I was not impressed. He had a reputation as a ladies man, if you can even use that word now, that shocked me as he was a slob. Not bad looking though. Are looks important in this equation? You tell me. But, he was entralled with me and persistent. As I was at the end of a relationship I was in an emotionally weakened state and gave in to his constant appeal for a date.
I was shocked when our relationship hit the passion phase because it was amazing. I never knew anyone could be such a great lover. I never knew anyone could shower such tender loving love on someone. Over the years our physical relationship grew out of control, I couldn’t get enough, but our emotional relationship was horrible because he was so mean when he wasn’t making love. How is that even possible?
So, would you give up the passion? Would you put up with the meanness? What would you do? In our deepest recesses we want both. We want someone to love us passionately, slowly, and we want someone who can warm our hearts with their kindness. Are both even possible? Do you know someone that is both? If so you are very,very, lucky.
Our spending tells the world that most are reaching for that elusive dream. For that deep, physical, heart connecting relationship with another. We all want that. I believe we all need that. Whether we have that kind of relationship is up to us. What you say? Yes, it is up to us. We must communicate our desires and needs in our relationship with another. We can’t sit back and expect them to ” know” what it will take to complete us. Just because someone may have had many, many lovers, does not mean they are a great lover. Many are just hoppers, going from one to the other, not knowing what it means to make love to anyone, even themselves.
Do you have a hopper or a lover? If you look at all the love stories in the world they tell you what it is each of us needs. The romance novels are just that, they are about romance. We want the romance. We want to be pursued and deeply loved, on a physical plain, and on an emotional plain. You can’t be happy without both. Neither alone can bring you happiness. If you don’t get it, read the books, read lots of books. The themes are all the same.
Why go on such a tangent? Because some days I miss that passionate devil. Some days I reflect that at least I have known and shared that kind of passion with another. It is an important part of a relationship. At least for most of us, although if you have never had it, you may never miss it.
So, the point of this whole discussion is to highlight that if you are in a relationship that is lacking, and you are sitting around resenting the lack of anything, then speak up. Show your partner through books and movies what would be your ideal relationship. Some of us are visual creatures and we need it spelled out for us. We are here to grow, to learn, to share, and love each other. Our partnerships should be fulfilling and happy. If we go blindly through life when the end comes we will be so sad we missed out, or didn’t give enough. This is our one chance to give and receive love. To make someone’s life happy. To connect. If you have someone in your life be open and honest. Be loving and nurturing. And communicate. When all else fails watch a good movie together, and then discuss why it was so good. Some of us will get the hint. Oh, and have a great day today.