Just wanted to drop everyone a short note to say I hope that today will be a good day. I know for some of us this is not the greatest time of the year. Thanks to television and other media resources there is a certain picture in our minds that represents Christmas. For most of us this is NOT a reality.
Sorry, but it is what it is for some of us, a depressing day where we would rather be doing something else all together. That’s not to say I am not grateful for all that I have. I most certainly am. It’s just that I can not feel the ” happiness.”
I blame past experiences for these blah feelings, things that I allowed to occur that have forever tainted this time of year, and things I had no control over. It goes way back I think to the time my brother revealed to all of our family who were gathered at our home for Christmas, a dirty little secret. It was the first time my mother had hosted such a thing at our home. She was so proud. So radiant.
I will say there was too much alcohol for the adults so it was inevitable that someone would do something… I am just sorry it was my brother, and that my family had to suffer.
I won’t go into the story now because it is too dark of an event, but it is talked about in one of my earlier blogs if you are so inclined. For me I just have to get through the day and be glad when it is over.
I do ask myself exactly what the hell is Christmas all about anyway. How have we got so caught up in ” buying” and ” spending” money we don’t have. I know it is my way to try and extinguish the crappy feelings sitting at the base of my heart. I will admit that it doesn’t help. I will just have to put on my happy face and hope the day hurries by.
Not the happy Christmas story you thought you might see, right. Well all of us may not feel so happy so bah-hum bug to you. It’s okay to feel the feelings. We must feel them or they will consume us. What we mustn’t do is let them take over and continue day after day. That is called depression.
When I am feeling really down I go with it for awhile, cry a little, and then admit that my life is not so bad. Actually as I have said before I am really blessed. I have so much more then so many other people that it is just wrong to let the depression continue.
Usually when I am so down I talk to myself, and Tessie my beloved dog, and get all the shitty feelings out that I can, then I go on. It helps to have someone to talk to even if it is only your pet.
For you, if you are so depressed that you can’t move on it is time to talk to someone. Anyone would be helpful, but a professional could be of help. I will say here that there are clinically depressed individuals that really need more then talk therapy. Some need medications as well.
If you are feeling so down that you feel you might hurt yourself, go somewhere, talk to someone, and don’t be alone. I know that despair can take over but you must fight the feelings. YOU must reach out to someone and get help.
Here is a web site that might help: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
If you are a Veteran first let me say THANK YOU. I know it was not an easy time, here is a life line for you as well: https://activeheroes.org Many Veterans do not realize that there are lots of resources out there for them.
Please do not let your feelings get the better of you. Take action. Reach out to someone. Go somewhere. Do something. And make it through the day.
In reality Christmas is just a day. A day that is of our own making, Make it what you want. Next year I am going to go somewhere and do something completely different. I will not be calling it Christmas,
Each day is a chance to start anew. Pick what YOU want and just do it. I hope that you make it through okay. Tears are cleansing. Let them wash away the pain in your soul, and then have a great day because you deserve it.