Leaving Neverland: A story of abuse!

A storm of feelings is what this will bring.

Wow! That’s all I can say right now.  Wow!.  What a sad story for those young men!  I just watched ” Leaving Neverland”  for four hours, and I am heartbroken that those young boys who are now young men have to work through so much trauma.   These are experiences that will stay with them for their whole life.  They will learn to live, but the memories and tears will be ever present.

The good part of the story is that it is out there and they can talk about it.  Again, and again they can share their story because that is what it will take for them to truly process through their experiences.   Their abuse went on for years, most under the guise of love.  So for them to accept and acknowledge that they were abused is the first step in their recovery.

I also watched Oprah’s interview.  Her audience members were all survivors of abuse.  They came from all walks of life, and were all different ages. Every one of them was a survivor.  Says a lot about our humanity doesn’t it.  So many abused.  They told the audience that “One in six boys” are sexually abused.  They didn’t even give a number for the girls.  That is probably closer to one in three.

I say hurrah for these men and their strength in coming forward.  It is not an easy thing.  It is the hardest thing to share.  And the guilt you feel is so heavy.  Heavy because somewhere inside of you, you ask yourself why didn’t I tell someone.  Why didn’t I do something ?  All I can say is we/you did what you could at the time.  Fact.  You can not go back in time.  There is an old saying in the realm of therapy, ” I did the best I could at the time.”  And that is true for EVERY survivor of abuse.

I hope and feel confident that there will be many stories that will be revealed now that this story is out.  I pray that others will find the strength to share what they suffered as children.  I hope that many more of Michael’s victims will come forward, as I am sure there are many more, so that they too can share their pain, and talk to each other.

Pedophiles come from all walks of life.  It’s not just the grungy ones wagging their penis at you from a window or doorway.  I had that happen to me a time or two. Pedophiles are trusted family members.  Professionals.  They hide under the guise of friendship and love.

If you have read my earlier blog I too am a victim of abuse.  My father was the abuser.  He groomed my sister and I.  It started with showing us how to “powder our little bodies after our bath.” and went on to other things.  My mother had left us with my dad.  They separated for a year.  I never forgave her for that.

After my final experience with him, I was seven or eight ( I was sobbing and my brother came into my father’s bedroom to see what was wrong) he told us he was dying of cancer, but not to tell anyone.  You see he was lying and trying to make me and my brother feel sorry for him now that he had done a bad thing.  I waited my whole life for that bastard to die.  He lived into his eighties.  I was sad about that. I wanted him to have a horrible death.  I can only hope that he went to hell.

I will share with those two young men grappling with their emotions that I am sixty eight and my experiences still make me cry sometimes, although the times are very far apart. Sexual abuse stays with you your whole life.  It takes a part of you and destroys it.  You go on living but every now and then it rears it’s ugly head.  All you can do is tuck the beast away.  It’s over.  You are okay.  You will find joy.  And love.  And you will learn to forgive and love yourself.  The forgiveness part toward the others I am not too sure about.  I never forgave my father.  And I don’t care.

I say anyone who has been abused find someone to talk to.  Let out the demons that haunt you.  Share your stories.  It is the only way that you can find a little piece.  There is much more to my story as there is to all of yours as well.  But I’m okay now, and you will be too.  So as I always say, ” have a great day today, you deserve it.”  And to Wade and James thank you for being so brave.  Hang in there and keep talking.

There will be beauty too.

About krissy

I am amazed by life, mostly the world of animals, nature, and things around us. People not so much. Oh, they amaze me. And, I see them. But it is the other things I reach for in a time of stress. And if I am lucky I have my camera handy..
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